for almost half a century i've had rarest illness

Since 1971 ive had to either be looking constantly in rear vision mirror

or pulling over and going back on foot to recheck for dead or injured bodies

needless to say i soon gave driving away

infact at
one point there it got so bad it took longer to drive then walk
somewhere but even without driving ive had similar problems using buses or trains or even walking and i still have it all but to a lessened degree nonetheless new illness has arrived and increasingly so i call it evolution illness after evolution equities the main causer of it now

i started in a 1952 holden then a 1948 one

i liked the 48 one a lot it was very powerfull modified car but one night i was driving up the hill onto the Ryde bridge and the car (which was lowered so much it hardly had any suspension) hit a bump or something and i was seized with the fear the car had run over a person or animal i pulled over got out and paced up and down the rd while people looked at me eventually i satisfied myself nothing had been hit and i recall saying to myself thats lucky and drove off but unfortunatelly that was the last day i was able to drive in an anyway normal way again as similar has kept happening ever since ,this was about mid 71 it was such a sudden change and a extreme shock, slowly but surelly i came to realize i'm not normal im subnormal and i guess by now ive had this crippling condition so long i almost see it as normal so i guess ive been in and out of some sought of denial of the fact im not normal so im really in a class below mentally ill as as besyt i can see its rare for a person classed as mentally ill to be disabled as sseverelly as this

other obsessions cleaning etc

hand washing
ive always had to keep washing my hands
but luckilly mainly only my hands these days as years ago i had to wash and rewash evertyhing endlessly over and over and at one point thats all i was doing frm start to finish of day

that basically summarizes the problems ive had

ive also often had to dismantle things and dispose of a bit at a time through fear new owner would die using it or be injured badly getting rid of things has never been a straight forward thing like it is fir other people

electrical and other products i fear disposing of

ive had these fears too but ofcourse such acts in conflict with the evolution accumulation illness

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April Ceissman | Reply 22.11.2019 11.21

sorry

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28.11 | 06:24

Ive had lots of comments but not many are of much value but i generally dont like to delete things its very painfull to not get any concern

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27.11 | 12:20

but I'm not homosexual

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noted

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I'm back baby I'm back!

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