for almost half a century i've had rarest illness

Why and how did it start?

its obviously not possible to preciselly sat yjis half caused it and this also half caused it

however it seems to me im already well down in health while still even at school even though Im defined as a sucess because i passed exams but even thats only a lst year thing as for the years prior to the last one im always at or near last in class in everything and laughing stock of teachers

ive been tortured all my life almost maybe all of it

my first torture i recall is the school system in my belief its automatic if you cant form relationsgips a sought of an alone in the crows humilaiation or embarrassment but my first acyive torture mainly doesnt start till 64 nobody has ever came to my aid or even had much desire to even know about it infact the not wanting to even know about it i believe is a form of torture initself

i started downward fast as early as 1964 when i as usual was sitting in a double seat alone as was always the case and all of a sudden this boy thomas in the doube in front turns right around facing me and starts saying over and over 'oh ritchie oh ritchie moving his head truckulently while saying it ge was quickly joined by this roach bloke in the nezt row of doubles to his left just alongside the isle doing exact same

it became obvious soon this was always going to occur in certain classes tow of them where it also became obvious soon that the teaachers in those two classes had no intention of coming to my aid

abiut five others spread throughout the room also always joined in its odd that virtually wherever i sat they got in same positions immediatelly in frint thomas roch at about 45degrees to me